Surprisingly, am in the office doing nothing but nothing.  Time is very subjective nowadays.  I was battling a thousand during the last two weeks and now, find myself idling for the past few hours. Nadia will be off for her 3 months maternity leave which means 3 months of no lunch partner !

The Leak

I am very concern about the leak of UPSR examination session 2014 which has undoubtedly caused a deep emotional wound and long lasting effects to the mental and spirit of 12 year old kid.  I recalled myself in my 12 year old, I was struggled by sweat and tears to score straight A’s so that the admission requirement to MRSM will be fulfilled.  For a family whose background is Malay language, growing up in Malay neighborhood, practicing Malay custom; the father is a government servant and a mother is a housewife who solely depends on book to teach their kid a single word of English;  Can you imagine how hard it is to construct an English essay?  How much effort a normal kid (described), will need to put in in order to ensure a comprehensive and well-structured English sentence?  How many nights of torturous prep and distressed tuition that the kids have to go through on top of the normal schooling?  Not to say the investment a father and a mother has to clothe with everything they have and they own. 

But of course, a well-equipped pupil will have no issue to re-seat for the exam.  Math skill comes from disciplined practice.  English on the other hands, require understanding on the grammar and gradual effort on the vocab.  A well-equipped student will have no issue answering the question for the second time.  But the question is, will they be able to sustain the same confident and mental readiness?  Will they be able to understand and digest the issue that has caused them to re-seat?  

Would anybody care to tell these innocent kids that they have to re-seat because we, adult are really afraid we’re gonna get beaten by the system or we adult are so greedy wanting to make commercial benefit from the disclosure of the exam paper?

Our government has failed to manage and respond to the situation well.  When the leak of Science and English paper were announced on Sept 10, we have heard rumors pertaining to the Math paper as well.  Ironically, no action is taken and we continue to allow the kids to sit for the Math paper.  The rumor turned out to be true only on Oct Sep 22, and we easily ask them to re-seat.  We just don’t care how much postponement means as compared to re-seat. 

Assessing other factor that might caused the leak, which is the force that parents, teacher, school and commercial tuition center are bogged down with for merely many objective. Rating is way more important than producing a good human capital.  We gather our students on a morning call to recite doa and repeatedly vow to our Rukunegara, when eventually we’re back to classroom and see only rating.  

We deviate completely from our pledge to concentrate the whole of our energy and efforts to achieve success based on these principles.

I just woke up from a long sleep after a tiring late night at the office. Passing by living room, from a quick glimpse, I saw a visual of crashed plane with blue and red stripe. My transition to wakefullness concluded AlJazeera is recapping some news from the previous crash. Then I saw the headline "Breaking News'. 

I am just too terrified, saddened. My heart broke with unanswerable frustation. Our grievances over MH370 has never stopped ever since, our heart break crying for our people in Palestine, Myanmar, Pakistan, Syria, our worries over kidnapped marine police is ticking and we are even worry when we have to set curfew over Sabah eastcost. And now with MH17, we are baffled, our tears rolling for our national carrier, our tears rolling for our people, our tears rolling regretting what have happened. 

As much as we expect Najib to stand loud and register Malaysian' grievances at the UN we do not want the extremist to get away with impunity. We want a safe peace world for our generations to live. This will take a long time. We need to strengthen our economy and we need to govern our own country well. Lets develop our children, make them a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer, an expert in science and technology, a business people, a tactical soldier and police and most importantly to set their foundation right in the path of iman. And it's time to spring clean our role.

The last 2 weeks have really gone unproductive. I didnt scored much in terms of works. My baby had a slight fever so I had to take days off. I was understandable worried and couldnt let her off under other's observation. It was then when she had it alright (Alhamdulillah), my mother down with severe fever and considering she's an asmathic, the recovery process takes longer than a normal person. It is when both of them are back on track, its' my turn to start off with sinus infection. Then after a day, I started to get an occasional low fever. I tried to be in the office however my focus was deviate. So yeah, today am taking a medical leave hoping on speedy recovery so that I can back to work. 

Later this morning, the urge to write coming because on the self-loathing for failing at my job.  It is not easy to spend a day at home when I know the capacity of workloads my department are bogged down with. I feel not alright for not be able to contribute and participate. On the other hand, I find myself floating in the circle of guilt. I feel guilty to have think about work when my focus should be pointed to my baby daughter. I think its' the same dilemma every working mothers are bothered with. 

I used to have a stand that these are all fallacies. As a competent individual, we should be able to deliberate our options in order to tackle every shortcomings. Experience it myself, to my dismay the exhaustion has slowly deprived my energy. I am too exhausted that I can fall aslept in the office, woke up, puzzled and baffled why am I here, how did I reached here? Only after seconds that I realised am actually in the office for work! 

I guess its' about time and my toleration level when it comes to home versus office. I have to set my priority right and at the same time to lowering down my expectation to have it all at one time. Maybe one step at a time, I dont know. My career is too precious to squander however, family is far too precious to be taken for granted. 

#growingparsleyinthekitchen

Izzy at Home

I used to find cooking a waste of time. Why bother spending hours at the kitchen when all you get is wet and sticky you? Why bother juggling at the kitchen when you can have it right at your doorstep? Why bother struggling all the hassle of smelly garlic, the crying onions and the searing burns of chili? And I remember answering my mother when she asked me to be extra hands at the kitchen "Ala, kita call for delivery je lah mak". ;p

Now, the mindset has totally changed. One word to describe cooking activities - INDULGENCE. I have very much started to enjoy the pleasure of selfcook. I can spend longg hours in the kitchen for food prepration and cleaning.

My kitchen has perfectly equipped with every necessary utensils and supportings for cooking and baking (I even have three units of kitchen shears and a whisk despite the fact I havent started baking yet ;p). A multipurpose microwave oven just make every task loads easier, a juice maker for a juicy and sweet Sunday and of course my most reliable odorless blender. And since my very first chore in the morning is to the kitchen for cleaning, Cif cream lemon is my choice.  It removes dirt easily and bring the same shine back to your kitchen.

What? Herbs and spices for a perfect seasoning? At my fingertips ;)

Giada At Home is now my fav tv-series. No more TVB, no more House. She is damn luxuriously self-indulge with cooking, making me fall in love more with the art of cooking. I cant close my eyes watching. Her cooks always look amazing and decadent. And yeah, I have every season recorded anyway. ;p

My 'B' sister

I remember those beautiful times during my old days, I was off to office as early as 0630am from home. Reached office about 0730am and around 0740am she arrived and walked elegantly to her workstation. Dropping by at my workstation is a morning must-do catch up! Short yet in-depth discussion with her is my morning theraphy. At times, we gona do some skipping from the office for a cuppa along with the other B's. Well some mornings are just too good to waste locked up in the office. Every now and then, she spices up my office routine. She's more than a colleague, she's a bestfriend, an honest company and indeed, a beautiful sister. 

Reading your writings of your current condition, I truly feel your pain. And now, when I see you suffering, I wanted you to know that the bonds are much stronger to be weaned out for I have witnessed the love and walked in the splendor of sisterhood. I AM WITH YOU my dear sister. 

I cant wait to have you back in the office. You're my inspiration, your dunya journey is an inspiration. 

We live by Allah SWT' grace. You're the chosen one Allah has planned to bestow and dispense His grace with.  

Much loves, 

Izzy

It amazes me how did I managed to shut down computers, tv series and even books when she gives me one long and wonderful glassy stare. How can she be so adorable with her purely innocent countenance?

She took my heart away. She is my heavenly gift. 

Allah, bless her heart. Ameen

My beautiful young lady

If one ever ask me how many times of being woken up in the night does it takes me to give up on the next sleep? How many hours of lost sleep does it takes me before I tell myself that am dying for at least a session of peace and pamper sleep. How many times of running and juggling session does it takes me before I started yearning hard for 'me' session. Many many times..

Thought of taking a 'day-off' today. Well, the fact is never a moment off. I was looking for all above until a very teeny meeny thought silently beautifully occured to me that I miss my beautiful young lady so bad.

I miss my beautiful young lady badly.

Positivity

This evening I felt very comfy and relaxed, attracted me to notebook to have my writing skills on. Writing skills feel very rusty. I have everything in mind however to a start, I haven't have the 'kick-start' yet. At times I do consider making a break from corporate world, however after a week at home, I miss work, I miss office, I miss being pressurised in such situation where I gotta be a thinker, a problem solver a determinant and realistic person whom dare to take risks, not afraid of making mistakes and always have a self-reflection of the outcome gained. I trust that such experiences help us to polish our strengths and progressing well.  

I love being relatively positive and making every effort to stay away from negative norm. As much as I'm not in preference with other people, I have to accept the viceversa. Accepting in a blessed definition of not taking it to heart and let your emotion being satisfied by negativity. Let it go completely out of my radar is truly a blessed definition of accepting. The ultimate controller of negative emotion is we, ourselves. If we want to have it stored deep inside our heart it's always our choice. But if we want to let it go, it always a choice either.  

I pray to Allah SWT, the ultimate Controller of the universe for His blessings, for His rezeki, for His sympathy on me. There's no coincidence, everything is through Allah's planning and everything and everyone is interconnected.