The last 2 weeks have really gone unproductive. I didnt scored much in terms of works. My baby had a slight fever so I had to take days off. I was understandable worried and couldnt let her off under other's observation. It was then when she had it alright (Alhamdulillah), my mother down with severe fever and considering she's an asmathic, the recovery process takes longer than a normal person. It is when both of them are back on track, its' my turn to start off with sinus infection. Then after a day, I started to get an occasional low fever. I tried to be in the office however my focus was deviate. So yeah, today am taking a medical leave hoping on speedy recovery so that I can back to work. 

Later this morning, the urge to write coming because on the self-loathing for failing at my job.  It is not easy to spend a day at home when I know the capacity of workloads my department are bogged down with. I feel not alright for not be able to contribute and participate. On the other hand, I find myself floating in the circle of guilt. I feel guilty to have think about work when my focus should be pointed to my baby daughter. I think its' the same dilemma every working mothers are bothered with. 

I used to have a stand that these are all fallacies. As a competent individual, we should be able to deliberate our options in order to tackle every shortcomings. Experience it myself, to my dismay the exhaustion has slowly deprived my energy. I am too exhausted that I can fall aslept in the office, woke up, puzzled and baffled why am I here, how did I reached here? Only after seconds that I realised am actually in the office for work! 

I guess its' about time and my toleration level when it comes to home versus office. I have to set my priority right and at the same time to lowering down my expectation to have it all at one time. Maybe one step at a time, I dont know. My career is too precious to squander however, family is far too precious to be taken for granted. 

#growingparsleyinthekitchen