December 26, 2011

The Time!

Its'  Monday morning 2.10 a.m. and I have yet to climb bed.  Thanks Malaysia, its' public holiday and that spares me a bit of extra time to write.  It has been almost 3weeks that I passed out on the bed a second after the clock ticks 10.00 p.m.  Pretty early kan?
 
Life-routine has changed its pattern.  In my normal days, reading will be in time after time.  And now, schedule changed to early morning and mid evening where I got to read while boarding the public train. There's a book entitled 'Evening Is The Whole day' I have been wanting to reread.   

There's really a dearth of good Malay novels.

Di Bawah Pohon Hawthron is simply the best!

Working life has been real good thus far.  Got my first pay and nazar-paid, parents-checked, adik-checked,  financial checklist-checked, kucing - got new collars! dan yang selebihnya there you go. 

I am wanting to write but my fingers aint moving for I am clueless right now.  Haha. All this mumbling, I'll cut to the chase :)

I caught a glimpse on 2011 calendar and I wasn't even realized time is so alive.  Perceptibly when we've been left behind by its second, all seconds.  People said time flies fast and I always wonder how fast it is.  Now I can say it's  _____ (I lose the word) fast!  Because the only thing I can say about every day is how fast time flies by.  Often we started the day with Surah Al-Asr (The Time) without even realizing we are in deep, terrible loss.  

By  time (103:2)
Verily, mankind is in loss (103:3)
Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience (103:4)


Have a very good night earthlings!  

December 14, 2011

Work has been BUSY. Its' a blip.

Yes, a sudden minor shock attacked me from every angle.  On my first day with the company, I tried not to come with expectations as the feeling could be dejected if those ain't met.  But what worries me is, I have yet to pass the first hurdle which is to bond with my colleagues.  I have to admit, I'm pretty reserved with people I barely know and its' always like this at the beginning.  I guess, its' the feeling that brought me away from the people and yes, the feeling is ridiculously negative.  There comes a feeling for not be able to do things, for not be able to communicate well, for not be able to deliver the right ones and the list goes.  Haha.  Im so queen of the drama queens of being a new-hire.

Ive been through the same when I was in university.  Being a leader and a new-hire is pretty much the same.  It is always challenging.  Negative feelings attacked me from different angles and it can even stopped me from doing things.  The key of the solution is always ASK because obviously negative ones will get me carried away to only my world. 

"After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb"

Very true!  When I believe I am competent enough to be in the industry, I started to see the whole new world differs greatly from what I had in my previous.  In this corporate industry, self awareness is  an endless topic and could be very subjective.  Sometimes what in our mind and how we articulate things differs greatly.  Even an honest compliment  from us can sometimes be perceived by others as wanting something. 
  
RESPECT should always be the main pillar for everything.  Respect for the people and the knowledge they have.  Respect for the personality they carry and the goal they pursue.  And more importantly, respect for whoever they are - superior, colleagues, subordinate, cleaner, tea lady and to all creatures deserved - again for whoever they are and InshaAllah, these will eliminate the negative thoughts and perceptions from the inside.  To be respected is everyone's right.  When we have a sense of respect, the whole universe will celebrate us :)

 Pramoedya says,

“Berterimakasihlah pada segala yang memberi kehidupan.”- Bumi Manusia

My superior from my previous company (internship) dropped a message said,

"It's always hard in the beginning, I went through the same phase as well. I know you're a fighter & you'll do just fine InsyaAllah."

Ah, all these mixed feelings.  I always forgot the important lesson in life where the hardest part for a human is to understand the changed life.  To learn how to struggle with the old and the new is the real challenge!  Learning is ongoing process, lets not give up when we fail, but to continue press on :)

My new team looks fun and I'm looking forward  to be part of them!

Positive vibes everybody! InshaAllah!

November 19, 2011

When life brings you down,
When the tears rolling down,
When the herein is killing you,
And when it is so hurt to look forward

HE is watching you with HIS greatest love and utmost care,
HE is waiting patiently for you to make a move forward and truly find HIM,
And HE is Oft-forgiving to help you rebuild life in HIS true journey

Because when it is dark enough, you can see the stars...

To my darling, I re-quoted this from Navaid Aziz :

"Pain and suffering only become negative if they cause a barrier between you and Allah.  They become positive when they bring you back to Allah.  It’s not that Allah wants to punish you, but rather it’s an invitation, a reminder for you to go back to Him." 

You have my prayers accompanied your journey.  STRONG -This is what you ought to be doing. 

Hugs -TE-

November 16, 2011

A blessing in trials that I don’t perceive

Approximately 11 years ago on the date 16 Nov, UPSR result was released and I got myself qualified for MRSM.  I was completely certain that I will become a qualified lawyer since then.  To devote myself for my country and my nation has been my lifetime goal.  Nothings changed ever since.  Looking back at those times, life route has changed its direction and there is actually a blessing in trials that I don’t perceive.

And today on the same date -16 Nov 2011, lifetime’s goal fulfilled at long last but in different path.  I couldn’t be more thankful, grateful and blessed for what Allah has granted me.  To think of it, HE knows better.  Abah has always said "do have faith in Allah in whatever you do and desist from putting faith in other sources.  Everything is in HIS hands."  Perhaps it is time for me to truly find HIM.  Doa emak and abah is a barakah. Parents, family, loyal friends, love, sisters, brothers, lovely country- what else could I ask for?

We cant’ fly before we can walk.

November 08, 2011

To Kill a Mockingbird


A book that every adult should read before they die


Note: Not very much updated of late though, I'm afraid. Will be back with a review of the above-mentioned book soon.

November 06, 2011


If music be the food of love, play on 


William Shakespeare

November 02, 2011

You can’t fly before you can walk

My life is full of misery lately and am inciting pity.  The other night I was tired.  In fact, I was exhausted.  There has been a  feeling I’m running a race I can’t win.  On top of it, I felt helpless to being this way.  I am completely deprived of strength.  Miserable, I end up thinking I’ll never get to a point in my life where I get to do what I love and yes, true contentment and satisfaction ain't there. I am in dire need to meet someone who is in a worse predicament than I am, only if this can alleviate me from such feelings.  Ingratitude me.

Astaghfirullah, I am well aware that down and defeat are not just the calamities that strike us. But why is't so hard for me to understand the flow of life?  I may be tested by pain, or even pleasure.  I read notes by Navaid Aziz saying that "pain and suffering only become negative if they cause a barrier between you and Allah.  They become positive when they bring you back to Allah.  It’s not that Allah wants to punish you, but rather it’s an invitation, a reminder for you to go back to Him."

I will look down on myself with disdain if I were to deal with the pain by seeking the pity of others.  I shall open the eyes of the heart and look!  There is actually a blessing in trials that we don’t perceive.

Oh, remember I said that I'm in the position where to keep people updated about my private life and personal particular is definitely not my major interest? Yet, I have to admit writing makes it easier thus far. A sense of relief I tell ya.

Tuhan dosaku menggunung tinggi
Tapi taubatku tak ku tepati
Tuhan RahmatMU melangit luas
Namun sedikit sekali ku bersyukur…
Tiada daya untuk bertahan…hanya Engkau tempat berpegang..
Kau jagalah hati yang kadang redup..ditiup angin duniawi…
Gemerlap kilauan harta,takhta dan cinta manusia..yang menyesatkan…
Sufiahsolehah

"…maka Allah mengetahui apa yang ada di dalm hati mereka lalu menurunkan ketenangan atas mereka dan memberikan balasan kepada mereka dengan kemenangan yang dekat(waktunya)." (Al Fath:18)
 
You can’t fly before you can walk. Everything takes time and I will surely find my way. InshaAllah InshaAllah!

October 31, 2011

The World Does Not Owe Us a Living

My apologies beforehand as this promises to be one of those dire notes, written well past midnight, where I vent my spleen before all.

The singular event that prompted this rather angry epistle is the fact that yet another half-baked and lacklustre policy has been overturned by the powers-that-be, for reasons that I can only assume to be political in nature. I am referring to the decision to end the teaching of Maths and Sciences in English; which I have to admit was a rather confusing policy in the first place. Yet its intentions were clear, namely to somehow try to arrest the slide in the standards of written and spoken English in this benighted country of ours. Thanks in part to the lack of resources, the absence of commitment and the incessant politicking that takes place in Malaysia, the policy hit the rocks of realpolitik from the outset.

There are several points that I wish to raise at this juncture, and I can only hope that they come across as coherent as possible owing to the sudden rise in my blood pressure and the fact that I am gripped by the overwhelming urge to strangle a politician (any politician, of any party) at the moment.

First of all, writing this from the vantage point of neighboring Singapore, I can only hear the distant echo of laughter from our neighbors in the region who must be enjoying a long smirk over drinks at the moment. While practically every other country in the region is trying its darnest to raise the standards of English for the young, we seem to have crossed the rubicon and entered the realm of un-reason by declaring that a 'pass' in English is not even necessary anymore. Woe betide those who insist on trying to maintain some standards of English language-use in this country, for we are often cast as those Eurocentric, Anglophile Wannabe-Sahibs who stayed a little too long in Blighty and have been possessed by the ghosts of Colonial High Commissioners past.

Secondly, one is struck by the most obvious observation that this policy has set back the process of development for scores of poor Malaysian children from every ethnic community, many of whom will remain in vernacular schools while the sons and daughters of the rich and powerful (many of them the brats of politicians, mind you) will probably be sent abroad to study in places like the United Kingdom, United States of America and Australia; where the medium of instruction will be in English. With one bold stroke, we have effectively opened a chasm between the rich and the poor, the privileged and the under-privileged, and in effect created two social classes. One made up of the poor lumpen proletariats who will be reduced to the status of surplus labour in the years to come, and another class of rich, well-connected, foreign-educated Malaysian elites whose cosmopolitan outlook and enhanced educational background will make them global citizens who can and probably will find their fortunes anywhere in the world. What a gift that we have given to the poor children of this country!

Thirdly, the humbug patriotism and essentialist longings for some romanticised unreconstructed past that some of the politicians have nursed so long conceals the fact that in the long run we - Malaysians - will pay the price for this reversal of policy. Lest it be forgotten, the world does not owe us a living. The rest of the planet will not one day say "Oh look at the poor Malaysians who cannot speak any of the international languages well enough to compete. Shall we slow down and allow them to catch up?" Dont bet on it my friends.

The brand of narrow essentialist patriotism and nationalism that has divided this country along sectarian and communal lines has now found a happy home in this, the latest contradiction that makes up the sad and pathetic narrative of the Malaysian story. In the years and decades to come, future generations will look to us in the present and ask why we let them down and why we failed to stick to the course for the sake of them and the future. The answer is simple: In times of crisis, the politicians of this country chose the quick and simple way out, played to the ethno-linguistic gallery, for the sake of a few cheap votes and to win the odd by-election or two. Nobody thought about you, the future generation of Malaysians, and we sold your future cheap. That will be your lament in the future, as it is our shame in the present.

October 11, 2011

I will be having my job interview with PETRONAS a day after tomorrow [ Thursday 13.10.11].

One of the things I was pondering today was the hope of sustenance.  I talked to my father and he said "do have faith in Allah in whatever you do and desist from putting faith in other sources.  Everything is in His hands."

"It is as Allah has pleased, there is no power save in Allah."

Have a pleasant day :)

June 26, 2011

Hidup dan pengakhirannya

Hidup menjadi ketakutan dahsyat bila memikirkan yang kita bakal berada di masyar berseorangan.. Tidak boleh saya bayangkan perasaan melupakan emak dan abah, kakak dan adik tersayang.. Di saat kita akan dihitung, cinta yang kita hitung di dunia semuanya sudah tidak ada lagi.. 

Kita yang bertapak di atas nama Islam secara azalinya telah tahu dan yakin di mana kita akan berada nanti. Nasib di kemudian hari juga sudah boleh di ramal dari sekarang. Baiklah sekarang maka baiklah kelak. Allah SWT telah secara nyata memudahkan perjalanan kita bila semuanya sudah tercatat di dalam kitab Al-Quran untuk panduan. Jika sekiranya kita masih belum memahami dan mengkaji isi kandungan Al-Quran sepenuhnya pun, kita tetap akan tahu di mana pengakhiran setiap perbuatan kita. Begitulah mudahnya ilmu Islam.

Apabila secara nyata kita sudah jelas dengan konsep pahala dan dosa; jelas juga dengan pengakhiran golongan ingkar, kita disini tetap melakukan perkara-perkara ingkar itu. Kenapa kita tetap ingkar bila kita  tahu kenyataan pengakhirannya? Hidup nafsu nafsi itulah puncanya.  

Bila kita kata kita cinta,
Bila kita kata kita usaha untuk berjaya,
Bila kita kata kita memimpin untuk membantu yang lain,
Bila kita kata kita mencari duit untuk membantu yang lain,
Bila kita kata kita itu untuk yang itu,

Semua itu adalah nafsu dan tidak akan pernah menjadi ibadah bila kita gagal meletakkan keutamaan hati untuk sampai kepada Allah SWT.

"Adapun orang yang derhaka, lagi mengutamakan kehidupan dunia. Maka neraka Jahimlah tempat tinggalnya. Sedangkan orang yang takut akan kebesaran Rabbnya, lagi menahan diri dari hawa nafsunya. Maka syurgalah tempat tinggalnya. (An-Nazi'at: 37-41)

Nauzubillah min zalik